As an outsider: Sometimes it's hard to be quiet

Those of you who have loved ones/friends that are being abused or have been abused in the past, I know you always want to say something.

It's a tough position to be in when you know someone's being hurt because you never really know if you'll keep the victim safe, or anger the abuser and get the victim hurt even further. It has to be one of the scariest times in a persons life, knowing someone who's being hurt, but pondering whether to tell or not.

If you're in this situation and you have a friend or family member that is being abused, please consider these few things.

• Have they spoken to you about the abuse?
• Do they show signs of abuse such as bruising, wearing sunglasses inside, and/or emotional illness.
• Have they stopped talking to you as often as they used to? Have they stopped talking to you alltogether?
• Have you spoken with the victim about abuse and they are in denial or ask you to be quiet because they're afraid the abuser will find out they're discussing it?
• Do you see signs of abused children? Does the abused adult have children that are showing signs as well? Are they more reserved, quiet, do they seem disheveled and neglected in any way?

Please, whatever you do, take note of these things. If you have the chance, take pics of your friends bruises and/or record their conversations if you have the opportunity. I know this seems an invasion of privacy and you may feel bad doing this to a friend, but in reality you may help save their life in the future with this evidence. You don't have to let them know you're taking photos or videos/audio, in fact you should just keep it to yourlself. Try to stockpile the evidence and talk to the victim as often as possible about conjuring up a safety plan.

Check into all of your/her local resources for domestic violence (even if the abuse is mostly emotional, they fit into the same category), save some money for/with the victim, buy them or help them buy bus tickets or plane tickets so that they can get away, out of the area for awhile after they decide to leave. Maybe they'll decide to stay away if the abuser is extremely violent and/or has shown violent tendencies. Gather all the information you can to assist the victim so that they feel supported throughout this process. This can be the most important decision they'll ever make in their lives, they need some type of support whether it be from you or an agency dealing with these issues. But as a friend/family member, I ask that you do whatever you can, be there whenever they need you. Even if you're frustrated and tired and sick of helping them. The victim will most likely gain the strength and courage to leave over time, with your help and support. You are doing her a lifelong service.

Thank you to everyone in this country that has put themselves and their own families out, to help and assist others that need it. No matter what the situation; an addict, an abused family/friend, neglected children, the homeless, etc. You're doing God's work and you will be rewarded tenfold, for doing so.

Are you sick of feeling alone?

Are you in an abusive relationship? Do you feel alone?

Even if you have children and a husband and/or friends, when you're in an abusive relationship. The abuser has beaten you down (literally/figuratively) for so long that you can't even trust yourself to have feelings anymore. You're stuck in the blackness, the hell of a miserable existence.

I've been there. But let me just say that the one and only thing that turned my life around was finding God. I know the country is up in arms about religion and it's meanings and roots. Nobody knows what/who to believe anymore. Well, I chose to do my research on God and Jesus and the Bible, and I then chose them.

I started reading the bible and having a small bible study at my home every other week and that is where my life began to change forever. I was stuck in my 15 year abusive marriage, my children were miserable and my and I were obviously miserable. But as soon as I started realizing what I was missing in God, I became a new person.

I went from feeling miserable and alone, to feeling like I could take on the world, in a matter of months. My entire perspective on life has done a 180. I cannot believe that only 2 years ago, I had thoughts of suicide, like my life was over.

I have a relationship with God, meaning I let him guide me and my life in the direction He so chooses. We all have that gut feeling when we know if something is right or wrong, that "gut" feeling is God. Of course I still make mistakes, that's how God intended humans to be ever since Eve took a bite of the poison apple. We're given many many chances in life, by God to live and learn. But we must learn from every moment, every day, every choice, every mistake. We have to see the positive in everything and not let anything bring us down, because if you're a truly good person and doing your best in life, things will turn around especially if you don't allow the devil to make you negative and sad and depressed.

Are there days where I'm bitter and angry at life? Yes. But those feelings literally don't even last an entire day because I don't let them. No matter what's going on, and I have had a lot of unbelievable horrible things happen in the last year, I stuff any negative feelings as quickly as possible. I look at the situation and take time to analyze it and I allow myself my natural feelings for a bit, but then I move on to the next thing.

So, I recommend, if you're feeling alone and feel like you have nowhere else to go, pick up a Bible and start reading. If you're willing to receive the information into your heart, your life will change for the better, forever.

I wish you luck.

Red Flags of an abuser

Here are several red flags that can alert you to the fact that you ARE in an abusive relationship. One or two of these alone do not make an abuser necessarily but you have to be vigilant and know your own heart. If you're being abused by someone and they fit into several of these categories, please seek help. I have left some good information in my previous posts on where/how to get help.

They.........

• Call you names. Stupid, bitch, lazy, useless, whore, slut, worthless, and I'm sure we can all come up with many others.

• Belittle every little choice you make. For instance if he asks you where you want to go out to eat and you say Red Lobster, he may say something like "Oh, you like seafood? Seafood is disgusting I can't believe you'd eat that crap, I'd never go there."

• Tell you that you act stupid, they do not like how you act in public/in front of other people, therefore you start to retreat and stay at home because you feel like you're embarrassing your abuser.

• Tell you what you can/can't wear. "That's too slutty, are you trying to cheat on me, do you have a boyfriend? You're not wearing that." Or, "You're going to wear sweatpants? I'm not going to be seen with some ugly bitch in sweatpants, you go put on something decent."

• Control everything you do. Where you sit, how you eat, what you eat, what time you go places and how long it should take you. They have to show you how to fold laundry their way, what order to do the dishes in, what channel you're going to be watching on television, what time you go to bed. The list can go on and on.

• Take the mileage in your vehicle so that they can track how many miles you drive. They pull plugs and wires in your vehicle so you're unable to leave, or they feel the hood of your car to make sure it's not warm and you didn't drive anywhere.

• Isolate you. They get in the way of all of your relationships with family and friends so that they're unable to spend time with you/talk to you anymore. They want you to feel alone so that you have no support to leave them. This is a typical way an abuser traps his victim. No contact with the outside world.

• Start fights with you at the most inopportune times. If they do allow you to have friends/family at your home for a visit, they'll start a big fight and embarrass you in front of everyone in order to make them too uncomfortable to come there every again.

• Compare you to every other woman in the world. "My mother didn't do things that way", "Doug's wife doesn't do that...", "My brothers wife does whatever he wants, what's your problem?" etc.

There are many more examples of red flags for abusers. I will be writing more over the next week. Keep checking back, make sure you or someone you know is not being abused and if they are, help them in any way that you can. Typically the abusers are just talkers, they just say things to scare you and they'd never really do anything to harm you. BUT, there are abusive people out there that have plenty of potential to do bad things if they're found out. Be careful, pay attention to signs and don't get in the way of anything if you are not sure. I will be leaving more information on my blog as often as possible. Contact me if you have any questions....stay safe.

How To Leave Your Abuser

I've written an article about how to leave your abuser:

Please, if you, or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship, read this article. I personally was in an abusive, drug-induced marriage for 15 years (still legally married) and I've been through it all. Click on this link to find out exactly how you (or a loved one) can leave your abuser. Don't be afraid, leaving is scary, but it doesn't have to be:

http://missjamied.hubpages.com/hub/Heres-how-to-leave-your-abuser

This blog is dedicated to aiding and supporting others in leaving their abusive relationships. We all have to do our part in helping our loved ones and ourselves.

If you are in an abusive situation or are having an emergency, please contact this number below to get immediate help.

1-800-799-SAFE

Again, this blog will also be my journal and I welcome you to share your stories here as well. I've been there, seen it, done it. I finally got out of my abusive relationship and I want to help you get out of yours too.

Hi there:) My name is Jamie and I've been writing my entire life. Not professionally, but to help keep my sanity.

I love to write about my real life experiences and many of those experiences have been horrible, while many have been full of happiness and humor.

The reason for the We Can Do It logo is that I've been through some experiences in my life that make me the strong woman that I am today. And I advocate for women because a lot of the time in this life, we feel stuck, we feel like we need a man to rely on, or that we just can't live without their approval. Sorry to say dudes, I lived 30+ years thinking that same thing but then after 15 years in an abusive marriage I decided enough was enough and I didn't want to be a victim anymore. I researched and taught myself how to be strong and independent. You can do it too!!

And I love men, don't get me wrong, I'll be posting many stories about the new love of my life and that he's more of a man than I ever imagined existed in this lifetime. I'm excited to let y'all know that there are wonderful, loving, caring, honest, loyal men (and women) out there, you just have to stop looking. That's the key, it's cliche but I'm living proof. So hold your panties on people, life is good you just have to love yourself because nobody's going to love you like you can!!

I'm new to blogging so of course I will be tweaking things as I go. If you have questions or comments, feel free to email me anytime.

So hang on for the ride ladies and gents, you're going to see some interesting stuff here as often as I'm able to write. Please contact me with suggestions and questions as I stated above. Happy Reading!